Reframing the "Alpha Female"

The term “alpha female” is complicated. On one hand, it’s often thrown around as a dig, a way to say a woman is “too much,” “too aggressive,” or “too intimidating.” On the other hand, if we pause, it can actually be seen as a reflection of strength, presence, and leadership. The problem isn’t the label itself; it’s the way people choose to use it.

What if, instead of treating alpha females as a warning, we treated it as a compliment?

At Work: Leadership Misunderstood

I’ve been told that people are triggered by me at work. Not because of something I’ve done to them, but because of the shadows of toxic leadership before me. They want change, but when I try to lead differently, I still get compared. Instead of conversation, issues go straight above my head. Instead of trust, I’m told my presence is intimidating.

But here’s what being an alpha female really looks like: I listen. I lead with compassion. I create space. I hold accountability. I want my staff to grow. The frustration comes when people confuse strength with threat, when they can’t separate me from what they’ve been through before.

If “alpha female” is meant to capture power and presence, then let’s name it as such: my leadership isn’t about dominance, it’s about care.

On the Field: Too Aggressive or Just Driven?

Sports are no different. On the football field, I’ve stepped into new roles, challenged myself, and put the team first. I’ve coordinated practices, sent resources, and sat out so others could have playing time. And yet, when I push myself, when I correct, when I take on leadership, suddenly, I’m “too aggressive.”

Here’s the irony: when I’m winning, no one complains. It’s only when I stumble that the whispers start.

But if we flip the script, being an alpha female in sports is not about being “too much.” It’s about being willing to learn, to take risks, to carry the pressure of the game while still making sure others shine. It’s about passion, drive, and wanting the team to succeed.

Why the Label Needs Reclaiming

When people call me an alpha female in a negative way, it’s exhausting. It makes me want to shrink, to stop showing up, to just say “forget it.” But I’m realizing the issue isn’t me — it’s the way the term gets weaponized.

Because if you strip away the stereotypes, what’s left? Someone who leads. Someone who loves fiercely. Someone who isn’t afraid to take up space. Someone who brings intensity and care at the same time.

That’s not something to degrade. That’s something to celebrate.

Choosing My Own Definition

So maybe it’s time to reclaim the label. Maybe when people call me an alpha female, I can hear it as a reflection of my courage, my consistency, my willingness to keep showing up even when it’s hard.

Yes, it’s tiring. Yes, it can feel lonely. But it’s also powerful.

And maybe the challenge isn’t for me to shrink or soften, but for others to shift how they see it. To recognize that leadership, intensity, and compassion can all live in the same woman.

Because if alpha female means strong, resilient, loving, and unafraid of taking space — then hell yes, I’ll wear it.

Let’s stop using “alpha female” as a way to put women down. Let’s start using it as a way to honor their presence, power, and heart